Born to Walk Through Fires
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. —1 Peter 4:12
“I was born to walk through the fire
I was made to run through these flames
Yeah, even when I’m broken and tired
You are enough, enough, enough”“Even when I don’t think I can make it your grace surrounds me…I could give up I could just hide, but you walk with me through all of my fires.” —Enough, Social Club Misfits
My husband shared with me this song the other day and its lyrics have really stuck out to me. Mainly because I feel like it’s a good song acknowledging the suffering of this world (walking through fires) while affirming that God is enough. Amen.
As I sat during my quiet time yesterday morning, I was praying (as tears rolled down my face) that not a second of this trial would be wasted. I prayed, “Lord, please do not let a second of the heartache, chronic migrating pain, sleepless nights, and fatigue be wasted. I am so encouraged by the book Hope When It Hurts. It talks about following God despite the hardship of two different women’s struggles with Lyme disease. Well, it turns out, that is what I have been dealing with for quite some time, including Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (RMSF). My body has multiple infections with no cure, and doctors misread my labs from July 2018 (over a year ago).
Brayden & I in early morning light on a recent trip to Philadelphia.
Thursday morning was when I found out the diagnosis. I was alone with my son in the doctors office for a “check-in.” We were supposed to go as a family but my husband had an important work trip and I had to be the strong Mama I knew I could be. Little did I know this revelation would occur during the visit. As I sat staring at the over 365-day old lab report, the tears started flowing as reality set in that all these unsettling neurological symptoms that I couldn’t “explain” now had a name. All the times this past year when it felt like my brain started shutting down was starting to makes sense. Science is just on the cusp of realizing that inflammation in our bodies and brains lead to so many illnesses. After over 90 tests this past year (prior to missing the Lyme and RMSF diagnoses) they could only find that my body was highly inflamed. What is sad to me is that years ago (in 2008) when doctors put me on medication for “depression,” they did not think to assume my body was inflamed by infections. If we had only known 11 years ago to look further, to ask more questions – to pull the curtain back and say “what is going on with Amanda’s body at a cellular level” – I wonder if all the needless prescriptions and medications would of been avoided? I do not have a medical degree and what makes me sad is that I trusted so many people that did. These individuals touted themselves as highly qualified. I have learned over this past year not to trust doctors blindly and to always go to the Lord and pray. HE is the GREATEST physician and gets the final say on everything.
So back to the tears. They were part relief, part astonishment, part holy crap there is finally a name to my very intense and unrelenting periods of sickness this past year. The sickness that kept me in the house for weeks at a time because I was too exhausted to go outside.
J. I. Packer once said, “God knows the way he taketh even if in the moment we do not.” God‘s ways are not our ways and we are not to question Him. But we can beseech the throne and take refuge under His wings as in Psalms 118.
Packer also said:
“Wait on the Lord" is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word, for God often keeps us waiting. He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is not his way to give more light on the future than we need for action in the present, or to guide us more than one step at a time. When in doubt, do nothing, but continue to wait on God. When action is needed, light will come.” —J.I. Packer, Knowing God
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash
And back to that idea of walking through fires. A friend sent to me this tweet saying even if the furnace has changed - Gods faithfulness has not!
This references the biblical story when these men had to walk through the fiery furnace and God saved them from being burned.
Tim Keller also speaks about this in the beginning of his book on suffering – regarding walking through the furnace of suffering and not being burned by the flames.
So now what? This world bombards us with lies that we deserve the perfect house, family, career, etc. If I hear one more ad or celebrity talk about “living your best life now” you may see me denting the ceiling with an intense eye roll.
THE TRUTH: God‘s design is perfect and when we force His plan for us… we get in trouble.
I am so thankful that my bible and God provide me with a comfort, love, and knowledge that this world will never provide.
When one is struggling with chronic illness, friends and family (even our spouses) will undoubtedly do their best to understand, but no one can truly know you like the Lord of the universe. And that is OK! Yes we all want to be known, but we must not put that before understanding that our loving God knows us more intimately than any human on earth. He knitted us together in our mother’s womb and knows every hair on our head.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. —Psalm 139:13
So I pray, if you are reading this and hurting right now (whether from an illness, loss, or just the weight of the world) please know you are never alone. God is closer than the air we breathe and so many dutiful soldiers have walked before us.
A Psalmist in the Bible describes the dark night of his soul in many Psalms including 13:1. Jesus was tempted by the evil one. Joseph was left for dead and sold into slavery by his brothers. Moses had to wait forty years before God called him …and so on.
So many faithful Christians have gone before us, like Oswald Chambers, who suffered while doing great things for the Lord and his words live on still today in an impactful way.
As a saint of God, my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what He created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow. … Sin, sorrow, and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. —Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
I say this because there is HOPE even in the worst accounts of adversity; the misdiagnosis, the inflammation, the auto-immune disorders, cancer that is sometimes healed and other times not, the loss of a loved one. Regardless, our HOPE remains constant and rooted in our God who makes no mistakes. He is our anchor in the storm (as it talks about in Hebrews).
We may walk through fires, but our soul will remain intact. We will not be burned. I look forward to the day when I get to heaven to see dear loved ones and hear Jesus say, “Well done good and faithful servant… well done.”
