Joy in Our Brokeness
It's been a little over a month since I've blogged and that’s because we've been going through some hard times in my family.
In April, I was working with my doctor to slowly decrease my depression medicine in order to try and get pregnant with our second child. I was doing pretty well until I was almost off the medicine. For 3 days I became severely depressed and didn't want to do anything but be in bed. I did not want to care for myself and could barely look at my 20 month old son. It was heart breaking to say the least.
My husband and I made the hard decision to increase my medicine again to its normal dose and forgo trying for a second child. We didn't know if that dream would be lost forever or if we'd try again in the future. God is still writing our story!
Lately, a friend bought me the book by Laura Story called, “When God Doesn't Fix It.” The pages are filled with gospel truth that is written with a factual story of Laura's family and their struggle after her husbands surgery of a cancerous brain tumor.
This book has really impacted me and God is definitely using it to open my eyes to things I wasn't willing to see before. First, I see God's story being written in Laura's brokenness and in mine.
I see God using my struggles and heart break to help others that are going through very hard life threatening trials right now.
This book has really made me see why God doesn't always fix things the way we want him to. God's plans are so much bigger and better than our own.
My husband and I have had many hard trials during our marriage. Some life threatening ones dealing with my depression shortly after our honeymoon, years of medicine not working, and then years of trying to get off medicine to have a baby. God blessed us with a healthy baby boy but my pregnancy was full of trials. I was incredibly sick the first 23 weeks unable to keep much food down and also dealing with anxiety and depression. At the beginning of my third trimester I herniated a disc in my back and was forced to live in a hospital bed on the 4th floor of our townhouse with not much ability to move around. I needed help moving in bed, getting in and out of bed, bathing, and having people prepare food for me. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life but God was gracious to give us a beautiful baby boy who is such a joy in our lives.
I don't know how our family will grow in the future, whether it be by adoption, or another biological child but I know God is listening and he has it all planned out. I pray that I can release my dreams to him and trust that his will and timing are perfect.
What trial are you currently going through? How have you seen God moving in your life?
